Serendipity occurred on the second to last day of the Omer count. That day is Hod in Malchut—we can plan and plan and then the opportunity emerges—simply, easy and without fuss. Hod as you may recall means to acknowledge or surrender.
The professional photographer is still scheduled in June.
When you are ready for a new story to emerge it will emerge.
Tis the season for graduations and tis the week for graduating into our new selves. We have “arrived” at the week prior to the holiday of Shavuot (the week of Malchut) which commences on Saturday night—our commencement address at Mount Sinai was the Ten Commandments.
Many a commencement speaker this week will focus their comments on graduation as a beginning and not an ending. So it is for our “change”—it is a beginning, not an ending. Change is only as lasting as the commitment to see it through and stick with it. And change begets more change.
For the Jewish people this change has now lasted for three thousand three hundred and twenty four years. As with the Jewish people and its Torah, nothing remains static. We as a people have changed and the Torah has changed.
I finished teaching a mini-series class at Temple Emanuel about the concept of a New Torah that will be taught by the Messiah. I alluded to the participants in the class that it would be reasonable to understand that the Torah has undergone change—even if we assert that every letter and word in the Torah is from Sinai. A purist might say that if the words are the same then nothing has changed. Our relationship though to the Torah text has most certainly changed, whatever Jewish denomination we fancy ourselves to be a part of. Two examples will suffice: no bigamy, no slaves. The Torah law does not prohibit either but this was changed to reflect new sensitivities. Interestingly, changes that Reform Judaism made in the 19th and 20th centuries are now being reconsidered for inclusion within Reform’s ‘new’ understanding of Jewish commitment (and even using the word Jewish obligation).
So how is my change going? I will give a full report next week—but also consider this: What will my and your change look like in 324 days (not three millennium and so many years) from now. This is the beauty of the tradition that we count 49 days of the Omer and the 50th day counts itself. If we commit to and follow through on change—change will start counting itself.
The 7th and final week as we count up to Shavuot: the week of Malchut.
The definition of Malchut is sovereignty. It reflects the culmination as in manifestation or
expression. It is the stage of coming into physical reality.
Our way of looking at the Sefirot flow has been the creation of a plan for change. Malchut then is actualizing our change. The past week of Yesod was a shedding of doubt. In addition to meaning manifestation or expression, Malchut also implies taking full responsibility.
Day 43 – Chesed in Malchut
As you embark on the change(s) keep mindful of the love you have for yourself and for others. This is what motivates the change and is confirmation that not only is change possible, it can be sustained by love. Today you experience the feeling of love as you experience change.
Day 44 –Gevurah in Malchut
Determination will keep change moving forward. The question to ask: What do I want to get done
today? A strategy of Gevurah is to start with something—a smaller accomplishment of the larger
goal helps keep the focus on the big picture of change and gets one moving. So start with an aspect of the change you are implementing—not something tangential or even preparatory to change, something that is a piece of the change. I will exercise today in the fashion I expect to maintain as my goal. I will be early today for classes. I want to experience what it feels like to not only be on time but what it feels like to be early.
Day 45 – Tiferet in Malchut
Now it is time to finalize the blueprint—for the last two days I tried on the change (for size—fit—feeling) and though last week you believed with full integrity that you were committed to the plan you can still finalize it today. The plan is now engraved.
Day 46 – Netzach in Malchut
How will the change be everlasting? By removing any final obstacles to change—so look inside
and outside. Not just for now but anticipate what might loom ahead or spring up as you make the change concrete.
Day 47 – Hod in Malchut
Even though doubt has been removed and we have looked carefully at the obstacles present or that may present later, we can tire, our determination can flag. And so we pause to gather strength so that we can push on. Taking a breather means to breathe in the change, to surrender to a higher calling and ready ourselves for the full actualization of our change.
Day 48 – Yesod in Malchut
For each week’s Sefirah you can ask yourself on this day of Yesod, have I done the inner work
needed…to do the outer work? Have I laid the proper foundation—dug deep enough into myself to construct a new reality—a new me? Keep in mind that even a small change is difficult and reflects the possibility of taking on any and every change. You can fool others but you cannot fool yourself (though you can try) and therefore the change has to be real and consistent with your blueprint.
Day 49 – Malchut in Malchut
We now stand in our change—this is revelation having accepted the Divine call. Engrave it upon your heart your whole being. You are working hard and that is your task—to grow and fulfill your potential. Be humble and be proud. Be present and await the next call in the still small voice that will rumble in at the foot of the mountain.
This week is the penultimate week of the Sefirah count—the week of Yesod. While Yesod means
foundation, it is understood as truth or integrity. These meanings are very helpful when looking at the
Sefirot system as a process of change—now we must ‘measure’ our sincerity about changing in the light
of truth.
The well known formulation of attesting for a witness is to take an oath prior to testimony with the
formula: “the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.”
Would it not be sufficient to just state any of the three statements? And if “nothing but the truth” is
truth at the highest level of truth telling than why would the witness not just say that without needing
to say more.
Investigating the origin of this phrase and the nuance of its meaning yielded little information. I recall a
talk by my Kabbalah teacher on the meaning of this phrase relating to the Sefirah of Yesod but could not
find any details. So I am flying solo on the wings of truth telling.
Can we ever attest that we are telling the truth? We know that what people remember about what they
see is very unreliable. So how can a witness in good conscience say that the evidence they give is the
truth when they know full well it is at best their version of the truth?
If we start from this premise it turns around the sworn testimony to acknowledge that the witness is
doing their best to tell the truth about what they experienced. Nothing but the truth then may mean. “I
am not adding anything to make my ‘story’ more plausible” and the whole truth may mean “I am not
leaving something out to make my ‘story’ more plausible.” I am (trying) to tell the truth.
When it comes to telling ourselves the truth (about any aspect of our life, including our commitment to
change) we must acknowledge the truth about the truth of our own version of the story. Are we telling
the whole truth and nothing but the truth? What manifests in our life depends on it.
It is now the beginning of the 6th week as we count up to Shavuot and this week is Yesod. Over the past two weeks we have moved from looking at obstacles that need to be overcome (Netzach) to surrendering or at least suspending our notions of what the outcome of our plans need to be (Hod). Some of you have mentioned that it seems at times this past 2 weeks that it is a ‘holding of opposites’—overcoming and surrendering go hand in hand.
The definition of Yesod is foundation. The question is how to define, what foundation means in the context of the using the Sefirot system to look at commitment to change? Yesod is also defined as “truth” or “integrity” and in this context it challenges us to take one long hard look at what we are committing to and whether we really are going to act with full integrity.
There is a relationship between integrity and self-doubt. We can doubt in ourselves—can I really follow through or, as has come up in a few class discussions this week: is what I am changing really significant? I want to encourage you that even a small change is very important as any change is significant in realizing that change is possible.
Without doubt we might not know how significant the change is and without a doubt any change is significant.
Day 36 – Chesed in Yesod
Chesed is the love of self (and others) that is motivating the change. We have to remind ourselves of the original reason for picking the change we committed to (and you can still expand, contact or change what you are committing to change) and see now how love can aid us in remaining with integrity about our plan for change. There have been so many trying times these past few weeks with family issues and I have needed to remind myself that love is ultimately the force that draws us together as a family. I felt like giving up but instead fought through the challenges because I want love to win out—for love to be the reality that we deserve. I need to remain strong in my love this coming week.
Day 37 – Gevurah in Yesod
Gevurah is self-determination, self-definition. There will be doubt and that is the nature of things—to doubt. Strength is not eliminating doubt; rather it is living with it and still moving forward. We are now ready to face the doubt and even use the feelings generated by the doubt to re-enforce our determination.
Day 38 - Tiferet in Yesod
Take out the blueprint and look at it in light of the doubt you have experienced over the last two days. Now is not the time to evaluate the plan as much as it is to evaluate your determination in light of doubt. This is your final edition of your plan. You are all in!
Day 39 - Netzach in Yesod
The determination of Yesod is bolstered by the energy of Netzach to overcome any and all obstacles. Self-doubt is removed through the awareness that all can be accomplished even though the obstacles may now be clearer as seen through the filter of doubt. Be truthful about the obstacles—don’t let them serve as a final deterrent to your plan for change.
Day 40 - Hod in Yesod
Hod tempers the determination so doubt can yet again have a foothold as one faces obstacles or outcomes that seem intractable to change. We need to remember that surrendering is part of the process of finding our truth.
Day 41 - Yesod in Yesod
Up to this point we have focused on Yesod as an internal process—but truth be told we are never alone in our growing and others can help. If we share with others they can help us to insure that we remain in integrity. On this day of Yesod in Yesod we look at our relationship with others—are we in consonance with them or struggling with them? In the battle for determination over doubt we need the support of others and today is the day to reach out and ask for that support and encouragement and the truth.
Day 42 - Malchut in Yesod
It is now time to manifest the hard fought truth or to let go completely (perhaps the plan is now seen in a different light). Are you ready to manifest the change? Today is declaring I am ready. I leave any vestige of doubt behind.
The week of Hod in our continuing count of the Omer is characterized by confronting limits, acknowledging them and surrendering. This week is seen as a balance to the prior week when we looked at how we could and would overcome obstacles in our process of change. An element of Hod though is not just surrendering to a particular obstacle and how that impacts our changing—it is also surrendering to a process that is larger than us. We may think that a particular outcome is what is called for and it may well be—perhaps now or at a later time. But as we move to create change we may become aware of a larger puzzle—within ourselves or how we are connected with others. The following story, forwarded to me by Louann Miller, helps us begin to see a cab ride in a different light—for who is the driver and who is the passenger?
I arrived at the address and honked the horn. After waiting a few minutes I honked again. Since this was going to be my last ride of my shift I thought about just driving away, but instead I put the car in park and walked up to the door and knocked.. ‘Just a minute’, answered a frail, elderly voice. I could hear something being dragged across the floor.
After a long pause, the door opened. A small woman in her 90′s stood before me. She was wearing a print dress and a pillbox hat with a veil pinned on it, like somebody out of a 1940′s movie.
By her side was a small nylon suitcase. The apartment looked as if no one had lived in it for years. All the furniture was covered with sheets.
There were no clocks on the walls, no knickknacks or utensils on the counters. In the corner was a cardboard
box filled with photos and glassware.
‘Would you carry my bag out to the car?’ she said. I took the suitcase to the cab, then returned to assist the woman.
She took my arm and we walked slowly toward the curb.
She kept thanking me for my kindness. ‘It’s nothing’, I told her.. ‘I just try to treat my passengers the way I would want my mother to be treated.’
‘Oh, you’re such a good boy, she said. When we got in the cab, she gave me an address and then asked, ‘Could you drive
through downtown?’
‘It’s not the shortest way,’ I answered quickly..
‘Oh, I don’t mind,’ she said. ‘I’m in no hurry. I’m on my way to a hospice.
I looked in the rear-view mirror. Her eyes were glistening. ‘I don’t have any family left,’ she continued in a soft voice. ‘The doctor says I don’t have very long.’ I quietly reached over and shut off the meter.
‘What route would you like me to take?’ I asked.
For the next two hours, we drove through the city. She showed me the building where she had once worked as an elevator operator.
We drove through the neighborhood where she and her husband had lived when they were newlyweds. She had me pull up in front of a furniture warehouse that had once been a ballroom where she had gone dancing as a girl.
Sometimes she’d ask me to slow in front of a particular building or corner and would sit staring into the darkness, saying nothing.
As the first hint of sun was creasing the horizon, she suddenly said, ‘I’m tired. Let’s go now’.
We drove in silence to the address she had given me. It was a low building, like a small convalescent home, with a driveway that passed under a portico.
Two orderlies came out to the cab as soon as we pulled up. They were solicitous and intent, watching her every move.
They must have been expecting her.
I opened the trunk and took the small suitcase to the door. The woman was already seated in a wheelchair.
‘How much do I owe you?’ She asked, reaching into her purse.
‘Nothing,’ I said
‘You have to make a living,’ she answered.
‘There are other passengers,’ I responded.
Almost without thinking, I bent and gave her a hug. She held onto me tightly.
‘You gave an old woman a little moment of joy,’ she said. ‘Thank you.’
I squeezed her hand, and then walked into the dim morning light. Behind me, a door shut. It was the sound of the closing of a life.
