This week of Passover is distinguished by what we eat and what we don’t eat. We remove Chametz (all leavened products) and eat the flat bread—Matzah.

Kabbalah provides a number of explanations as to the inner meaning of matzah and chametz. The most common explanation, also alluded to in traditional Jewish teaching, is that the “puffed up” nature of chametz symbolizes the character trait of arrogance. The flat, unleavened matzah represents humility. Humility is the beginning of liberation and the foundation of spiritual growth. When we eat matzah, we internalize the quality of humility as the essence of faith. By not eating chametz we rid ourselves of arrogance and self-centeredness.

The symbolism we will look at connects us more to the dimension of time rather than the dimension of space–how much space does my arrogance take up? Matzah and chametz can be understood in their relationship to time, specifically to procrastination.

The contribution of Kabbalah (and Chassidut) to our observance of the Passover laws–what we eat and don’t eat–is to make the experience an internal one—not simply ingestion (or indigestion as the case may be) rather it is “digestion” as in the definition, “to think over so as to understand, absorb or assimilate.” We change our eating habits to become aware of the symbolism of what we digest. In turn, we move to action based on our understanding and new awareness.

So what does matzah and chametz have to do with procrastination? To procrastinate, which comes from the Latin root “cras” meaning tomorrow, is the quintessential quality of chametz. Procrastination is the attitude of why do it today when you can (maybe) get to it tomorrow. While there can be logic in waiting and sequencing tasks the idea of chametz helps connect us with what occurs when we let time itself become leavened—if the proper time to engage in something is now—then be engaged in it now. This lines up with a famous saying in the Talmud—A Mitzvah that presents itself—don’t let it become chametz! This phrase is usually translated as don’t let it pass you by—using the meaning of chametz as procrastinate—it then would mean, don’t put it off till tomorrow.

Matzah re-presents the opportunities that are present now. Each spring we have the opportunity to look afresh at living in the moment and not burdening ourselves by letting the present become bloated as it takes on a life of the tomorrows that never resolve.

The counting of the Omer—a 50 day spiritual cleanse can focus on any of a number of character traits—including arrogance or as will be suggested—our relationship with living in the present and not living in procrastination. For those new to the counting of the Omer, each week (there are seven total) from Passover to the holiday of Shavuot (marking the traverse of the Israelites from Egypt to Mount Sinai) is aligned with one of the Sefirot from the Tree of Life—(the order is Chesed-Gevurah-Tiferet-Netzahc-Hod-Yesod and Malchut).

Each of us could take an accounting of those things we are procrastinating. I started on a list and it was easy (and rapid) to get beyond 50 (including procrastinating on working on my arrogance). You can try and tackle more than one example or area of procrastination—or choose one; the key is to use the count to create change—not just in attitude but in action. The final week of the count—Malchut—represents manifesting the change—that is the goal.

Each week has its general intention in the process of change (each day has its specific intention). The first week—Chesed is about loving kindness. Usually this energy is seen as giving to others, but it also means giving love to oneself. In the context then of change around procrastination we take a full week to be loving to ourselves first—we will be demanding next week. The questions this week are—what am I really willing to take on?—to commit to? and can I be kind to myself in the process? To succeed at change is to do so out of recognition that I can love myself more if I stop or start____________ (fill in the blank) and that I also need first to love myself as I am. That serves us well as a start to a commitment to change. The week of Gevurah is about focus and definition—placing realism on the change and setting up a plan—what to work on etc.

In order to get us all started on Day 1 of the Omer count this blog needed to be ready and out yesterday—but I procrastinated. So, it is out today—the day of Gevurah in Chesed (this whole week is Chesed and the other Sefirot modify each day).

Today is a good day to reflect on what you may want to work on—and to reflect on how the change or changes you are considering are loving to yourself and to others.

In anticipation of Rodger Kamenetz’s presentation on Dreamwork at our fundraising event (don’t let that opportunity become chametz) a number of us have been paying close attention to our nightly dreams. If you want to remember dreams it is very useful to get into the habit of writing them down (and not delaying!) upon awakening. This holds true for any of our commitments to change—so keep a log, write down what you are committing to and keep a journal on your process and progress. And pay attention to your dreams.

Last night I discovered the mythical missing borough of New York. It did not float off from Manhattan as the father suggests to his son in Jonathan Safran Foer’s Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close. It is to be found in Evergreen, Colorado. I was invited to be scholar-in-residence at Beth Evergreen Synagogue and over dinner we began to talk about our places of origin—for most it was either Brooklyn or Queens. So, before my presentation I asked the crowd, how many of you are transplanted New Yorkers? —the response was overwhelming. I joked that I had found the lost borough of New York.

Dreams are in the air and they are everywhere. I first approached Rodger Kamenetz to present at our fundraising event based on my knowing his book, The Jew in the Lotus. I did not know who Rodger Kamentez, circa 2013, is because I made the fundamental mistake of associating him with his past. This point was driven home last night by a man who approached me after my talk and said, “The one thing you said that struck deep was the question, Who are you?” He himself is retired (in Evergreen) and likes to share this question with his friends and acquaintances who are about to retire. “Working,” he clarified, “provides one an identity.” “When you retire you must face the question, Who are you?”

I did not realize when I approached Rodger that he is retired. Instead of assuming he is the writer of Jew in the Lotus I should have asked: “who are you?” When I did ask I found out that in his retirement he spends most of his day working with people’s dreams. His method is called Dreamwork and that is what he is coming to Denver to share with us.

When I was approached a few months ago to be the scholar-in-residence at Beth Evergreen I was told that the topic they would like me to address is dreams from a kabbalistic perspective. I am paying attention—to my dreams and to dreams being everywhere.

In discussing premonitory dreams—what in Kabbalah is called prophetic dreams—I explained that in order for us to “see” the future, the future must already exist. This led another man in the audience to ask, “So how does one know that one is fulfilling one’s (future) destiny?” My answer was a bit evasive but still worth consideration. I suggested that one may never fully know whether they are fulfilling their mission—but it is far easier for us to know when we are not fulfilling our destiny. Still many of us don’t decide to alter that or think, “I’ll wait till I retire or I’ll wait till…” Dream on.

For the past two years we have engaged as a community in the counting of the Omer—a 50 day count commencing on the second day of Passover and concluding on the festival of Shavuot. The count is a mitzvah in the Torah and its minimal requirement is to simply count (today is one day, ten days etc.). The Kabbalists, as they are wont to do transformed the count into an in-depth journey through the bottom of the Tree of Life—specifically corresponding each of the seven weeks of the count with a different (lower) sefirah. Each day then has its own unique combination of sefirot.

Next Tuesday night-Wednesday day is day one. I have an idea for this year’s count, something to the effect of pursuing our dreams—and I am open to your suggestions. The prior year counts and the meanings offered for the spiritual work can be found in the archived Newsletters.

Best wishes for the holidays and be on the alert for next week’s Omer counting blog.

The 7th and final week as we count up to Shavuot: the week of Malchut.

The definition of Malchut is sovereignty. It reflects the culmination as in manifestation or
expression. It is the stage of coming into physical reality.

Our way of looking at the Sefirot flow has been the creation of a plan for change. Malchut then is actualizing our change. The past week of Yesod was a shedding of doubt. In addition to meaning manifestation or expression, Malchut also implies taking full responsibility.

Day 43 – Chesed in Malchut

As you embark on the change(s) keep mindful of the love you have for yourself and for others. This is what motivates the change and is confirmation that not only is change possible, it can be sustained by love. Today you experience the feeling of love as you experience change.

Day 44 –Gevurah in Malchut

Determination will keep change moving forward. The question to ask: What do I want to get done
today? A strategy of Gevurah is to start with something—a smaller accomplishment of the larger
goal helps keep the focus on the big picture of change and gets one moving. So start with an aspect of the change you are implementing—not something tangential or even preparatory to change, something that is a piece of the change. I will exercise today in the fashion I expect to maintain as my goal. I will be early today for classes. I want to experience what it feels like to not only be on time but what it feels like to be early.

Day 45 – Tiferet in Malchut

Now it is time to finalize the blueprint—for the last two days I tried on the change (for size—fit—feeling) and though last week you believed with full integrity that you were committed to the plan you can still finalize it today. The plan is now engraved.

Day 46 – Netzach in Malchut

How will the change be everlasting? By removing any final obstacles to change—so look inside
and outside. Not just for now but anticipate what might loom ahead or spring up as you make the change concrete.

Day 47 – Hod in Malchut

Even though doubt has been removed and we have looked carefully at the obstacles present or that may present later, we can tire, our determination can flag. And so we pause to gather strength so that we can push on. Taking a breather means to breathe in the change, to surrender to a higher calling and ready ourselves for the full actualization of our change.

Day 48 – Yesod in Malchut

For each week’s Sefirah you can ask yourself on this day of Yesod, have I done the inner work
needed…to do the outer work? Have I laid the proper foundation—dug deep enough into myself to construct a new reality—a new me? Keep in mind that even a small change is difficult and reflects the possibility of taking on any and every change. You can fool others but you cannot fool yourself (though you can try) and therefore the change has to be real and consistent with your blueprint.

Day 49 – Malchut in Malchut

We now stand in our change—this is revelation having accepted the Divine call. Engrave it upon your heart your whole being. You are working hard and that is your task—to grow and fulfill your potential. Be humble and be proud. Be present and await the next call in the still small voice that will rumble in at the foot of the mountain.

It is now the beginning of the 6^th week as we count up to Shavuot and this week is Yesod. Over the past two weeks we have moved from looking at obstacles that need to be overcome (Netzach) to surrendering or at least suspending our notions of what the outcome of our plans need to be (Hod).  Some of you have mentioned that it seems at times this past 2 weeks that it is a ‘holding of opposites’—overcoming and surrendering go hand in hand.

The definition of Yesod is foundation.  The question is how to define, what foundation means in the context of the using the Sefirot system to look at commitment to change?  Yesod is also defined as “truth” or “integrity” and in this context it challenges us to take one long hard look at what we are committing to and whether we really are going to act with full integrity.

There is a relationship between integrity and self-doubt. We can doubt in ourselves—can I really follow through or, as has come up in a few class discussions this week: is what I am changing really significant?  I want to encourage you that even a small change is very important as any change is significant in realizing that change is possible.

Without  doubt we might not know how significant the change is and without a doubt any change is significant.

Day 36 – Chesed in Yesod

Chesed is the love of self (and others) that is motivating the change. We have to remind ourselves of the original reason for picking the change we committed to (and you can still expand, contact or change what you are committing to change) and see now how love can aid us in remaining with integrity about our plan for change. There have been so many trying times these past few weeks with family issues and I have needed to remind myself that love is ultimately the force that draws us together as a family. I felt like giving up but instead fought through the challenges because I want love to win out—for love to be the reality that we deserve. I need to remain strong in my love this coming week.

Day 37 – Gevurah in Yesod

Gevurah is self-determination, self-definition.  There will be doubt and that is the nature of things—to doubt.  Strength is not eliminating doubt; rather it is living with it and still moving forward. We are now ready to face the doubt and even use the feelings generated by the doubt to re-enforce our determination.

Day 38 - Tiferet in Yesod

Take out the blueprint and look at it in light of the doubt you have experienced over the last two days. Now is not the time to evaluate the plan as much as it is to evaluate your determination in light of doubt.  This is your final edition of your plan.  You are all in!

Day 39 - Netzach in Yesod

The determination of Yesod is bolstered by the energy of Netzach to overcome any and all obstacles. Self-doubt is removed through the awareness that all can be accomplished even though the obstacles may now be clearer as seen through the filter of doubt. Be truthful about the obstacles—don’t let them serve as a final deterrent to your plan for change.

Day 40 - Hod in Yesod

Hod tempers the determination so doubt can yet again have a foothold as one faces obstacles or outcomes that seem intractable to change.  We need to remember that surrendering is part of the process of finding our truth.

Day 41 - Yesod in Yesod

Up to this point we have focused on Yesod as an internal process—but truth be told we are never alone in our growing and others can help. If we share with others they can help us to insure that we remain in integrity. On this day of Yesod in Yesod we look at our relationship with others—are we in consonance with them or struggling with them? In the battle for determination over doubt we need the support of others and today is the day to reach out and ask for that support and encouragement and the truth.

Day 42 - Malchut in Yesod

It is now time to manifest the hard fought truth or to let go completely (perhaps the plan is now seen in a different light). Are you ready to manifest the change?  Today is declaring I am ready. I leave any vestige of doubt behind.

Where are we as we enter the week of Hod?  Our blueprint is designed (though it may have been altered during the week of Netzach as we looked at obstacles that need to be overcome). Netzach is active trust—trust in one’s own capacities and in working with others to overcome any and every obstacle.  Hod literally means to acknowledge and in the context of this year’s counting of the Omer it means acknowledging our limitations in overcoming obstacles. We therefore have referred to it as surrender.

So what is meant by surrender? Surrender is not giving up or giving in—it is giving way.  Each of us has a plan for our path to growth/change. Yet, the path is never without some accommodation.

Obstacles when not overcome, need to be accepted—surrendered to. When you accept reality as it is and know that (at least for the moment) you are not overcoming an obstacle–you surrender.  A business or relationship may not ‘succeed’ or turn out the way we planned—but that outcome comes and can go in a different direction. With its going we may need to mourn while acknowledging that we are not in control. This spiritual realization is the essence of Hod—to realize our human limits and give way to our soul and God.

For this week of Hod,  I will share with you my “progress” on the three changes I am committed to implement through this time period.

Day 29 – Chesed in Hod

I am still keeping Chesed-love (of myself and others) at the forefront of the motivation for change.  I did not arrive on time for class either morning this week. I was five minutes late for each, but on time (or early) for the rest of my classes. If I can put the issue of “being on time” behind me will that mean that I express my love for myself through that? I think the answer is yes.  I do acknowledge that it is hardest to get to my first class on time (leaving home). I am not ready to surrender though. I am not aiming for perfection—aiming though for overall consistency.

Day 30 – Gevurah in Hod

Gevurah is self-determination. Today it is time to limit your acceptance, to say—I am limited but I can still…. I am not shying away from the determination to be on time. I also have to acknowledge that while I have a plan for exercising three times a week I have not implemented it.  With full awareness I can say—“this is what I am capable of now.”  If I am accepting some limits I do so with the awareness that I have not given up yet.

Day 31 - Tiferet in Hod

Take out the blueprint and look at it in light of accepting the limitations you have reflected on for the past two days.  Can you acknowledge that it is a challenge to let go of some aspects of the blueprint?  Today I must come to peace with altering the plan, the blueprint needs tweaking and I need to be cognizant of what I can and cannot change—for now. Regarding the photograph of my family—the photographer we have chosen is returning to Denver on May 28^th—this means that the plan to have the photo taken and up in our home by the 49^th day of the count will not happen unless we choose another photographer.

Day 32 - Netzach in Hod

Can I overcome the need for overcoming?  Just surrender.  Netzach here is subordinate to Hod. Sometimes our plans and the vision of our blueprint depend on knowing that we can act, that we can and will overcome. When we now realize that our blueprint has changed we need to overcome our desire to not surrender—and embrace the surrender.  This is our new path. I am willing to wait for the photographer, I am willing to alter my plan for exercise but not the goal of exercising three times a week and I will hold fast to my goal of being on time for class.

Day 33 - Hod in Hod

Today is called Lag B’Omer—the 33^rd day of the Omer. It is the day that according to tradition Rabbi Shimeon bar Yochai, the great mystic of the first century died.  His students wanted him to hold on—to not surrender to death. On his deathbed he revealed secrets he had not expressed to them yet. His ascension (as it is referred to) though was a complete surrender and that is why we celebrate the day of his death as a freedom.  When death is accepted fully it is true freedom. That is the great secret Rabbi Shimeon shared.  Accepting our limitations is the release we experience today.

Day 34 - Yesod in Hod

For each week’s Sefirah you can ask yourself on this day of Yesod, have I done the inner work needed to acknowledge my limits and to implement my (evolving) blueprint for change?  Yesod as foundation is to be in integrity with the challenges of wanting greater or faster change and admitting limits and accepting the change that is possible now.  I am seeing many other changes already occurring because of or in conjunction with the goals of change I have set in motion. I may surrender to the precise goals of change set but I can see that change brings more change with it. The foundation then of change is to change.

Day 35 - Malchut in Hod

Following our theme: what is being emphasized is that our plans are not just our own. When we surrender we may find a doubling of what we expected.  We acknowledge both what we can see overcoming and what we surrender to. This includes writing this blog—I have needed to overcome some obstacles and surrender to the blog as it is. It is due.

I was handed a gift last Friday with a simple word on a sticky attached to the wrapping paper. The word was Netzach. I could tell it was a book, but which one? The author is Alfred Lansing and the book is entitled: Endurance: Shackelton’s Incredible Voyage. It tells the story of Sir Ernest Shackelton and his crew of twenty seven who attempted to cross the Antarctic continent in 1914.

The expedition comes to a very decisive halt as the ship (dubbed the Endurance) sinks and leaves the twenty eight men stranded in the middle of the Antarctic in the dead of winter. It is a story of amazing tenacity—all twenty eight men survive a rescue that took more than a year. The ‘rescue’ did not happen from the outside, rather they rescued themselves.

As I reflect on this week of Netzach—our plan for change is in motion and we are beginning to encounter the internal and external obstacles that are an inevitable part of our commitment to change, I began to wonder about the lessons to be learned from this story of extreme willfulness to survive. While it is easy to think that without the cook, or the navigator or the captain no one could have survived, it is a story of the importance of how each man kept himself alive by keeping everyone else alive. The men acted as a unit.

So, as we reflect this week on the obstacles to our plan–look around. Perhaps there are others who are more than willing to be of help—and the obstacle we may well need to overcome is the obstacle of not asking for help. As I was writing this blog one of our students emailed me this poem:

Everything is Waiting for You

Your great mistake is to act the drama
as if you were alone. As if life
were a progressive and cunning crime
with no witness to the tiny hidden
transgressions. To feel abandoned is to deny
the intimacy of your surroundings. Surely,
even you, at times, have felt the grand array;
the swelling presence, and the chorus, crowding
out your solo voice You must note
the way the soap dish enables you,
or the window latch grants you freedom.
Alertness is the hidden discipline of familiarity.
The stairs are your mentor of things
to come, the doors have always been there
to frighten you and invite you,
and the tiny speaker in the phone
is your dream-ladder to divinity.

Put down the weight of your aloneness and ease into
the conversation. The kettle is singing
even as it pours you a drink, the cooking pots
have left their arrogant aloofness and
seen the good in you at last. All the birds
and creatures of the world are unutterably
themselves. Everything is waiting for you.

David Whyte, Everything is Waiting for You